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CONFESSION

Profession is great till you are treating it as a profession but when you begin treating it like the objective of your life it begins seeding insomnia in your brain. 



I am the chosen one form the God that my profession, hobby and mission is same! Though this is not easy, because it becomes both the responsibility and the accountability. I am trainer and more than this I am catalyzer... so many a times, I demand my trainees to act the way I want them to act. 

I often demand my trainees to be fearless, be in action and dream the kind of life they want to live. This sounds impractical to many and so many refuse to follow it but when I help them to ideate they begin accepting it. In my last training program, I was asking my audience about their feeling of earning the very first salary of their life. On an average it was around Rs.500/-. A sweet girl raised her hand, she began narrating her feeling of getting first salary of Rs.500/- some two years ago and the unbottleing happiness when she gave it to her father. Her narration was heart touching and within me I developed a guilt of lecturing the one who is more awakened than me but before I curse myself to its value, she began crying. 

I admit that the toughest situation for me is when any girl (what may the relationship is) began crying, but here I was more supposed to cope up with it than to rid away, so I affirmed my confrontation to my obvious selection of choice so chased her normalize. A couple jokes and teasing words eased the otherwise herculean task. I will not explain why she began crying because doing so may disrespect her courage but yes I must state here that such a level of courage and determination, I hardly get to see even in the men of today's society.

This event turned me gloomy, I shared my sadness to my mentor. He said 'to not be sorry is to be happy' and so suggested if I want to get rid off this guilt I have to help her. HELP? I never believed on this word... 'It is disrespect to her courage' I replied to my mentor. 'If your help is exposed to the person whom your helping then it is disrespect' he replied to my query. I got his point so took his blessings and left!

When I am restless, I walk alone somewhere away of the crowed... 10PM of the night, off bypass road at vidyasagar school, I found peace! I recalled whole day while lying on the grasses. help without dishonor is possible? To an extent I believe help is impossible. Help is too small. I want to see her win her graft against the injustice of almighty. I want her to triumph more than anyone who ordinarily can.... but any contribution from me will be a dishonor to her courage. 

I concluded I will not contribute anything but my blessings and good wishes to her success but deep within me I know I am guilty of God so I am waiting for the day when God will see me, I will demand only one answer! 
"I am a human, for any mistake of mine, you are to punish me... but you God? you have done too many sins who is accounting yours? and how are you going to repent on it?"

On that night at that grass field near Vidyasagar school, even the stars on dark sky agreed to my question for God. We all than started staring to heaven till late we waited to avail nothing!!! 

Comments

Beena Mishra said…
There are chances that I might have felt the same, and definitely know what u r talking about. Felt guilt over someone else's situation felt sory for the person and then realized that by doing that i was doubting the person's ability which rather i should not have done. People say thinking about the thing is not going to help, neither is it going to ease the situations for that other person but then i ask them why not? if all of us do the same 'not thinking about such situations' how r we ever going to come out with a solution, there might not be a solution to the situation at all but is it not worth it, is running from the situation a better solution at all? I dont think so. It is jst going to ease your guilt, coz you chose not to give it any importance. Life is cruel and it always puts us in such awkward situations not to run from them but to face them and think about them, and that, i have learned long ago.
December 5, 2011 at 12:29 AM
Rahul Patil said…
Of Course helping her materially would be the herculean mistake. But please help her some or the other way, she is facing dual curse one is what she is facing is given by God and second and big one is she is a girl then too in India and we all, society is responsible for this. Give my blessings also to her. God bless her!
December 5, 2011 at 4:17 PM
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